Sunday, January 5, 2014

JAN 5, 2014 - Truth is always harder to hear

*Song of the Day: The Smiths - Asleep

It's 2014, a New Year; but old demons don't disappear just because time does.

           I attempt using photography, writing, cooking, medication, and therapy as outlets to help with my depression, low self esteem, and continual loneliness.  
           Unfortunately these don't solve my issues, and bring only moments of joy which leave as soon as they come. 
          It's hard to constantly be pretending to be happy so others don't worry.  So others don't leave you. So others don't think you're a weak person.
        I'm tired, exhausted, and usually unhappy.  I have decided to be evaluated for ECT and I'm really nervous and scared honestly.  I'm nervous I'll forget things I want to hold on to, and scared I'll remember the poisons I don't. 

         This is me being completely truthful and vulnerable.  Feel good reading this?? Of course not, hence the constant pretending which has become second nature at this point.

       I just want to be okay.  I just want to feel normal.  

Here's to a new door and path that may bring some peace. 


       Bjork- My favorite things ( Dancer in the Dark)